I’d been working as an online, deep work, group facilitator for a few months before I decided to go down the road of spectrum diagnosis. Over my 34 years at the time, it was almost laughable to everyone around me, of course Viki has ADHD.
Two things were becoming true for me though:
1. I was facilitating spaces that were frequently populated with self professed neurodivergents and
2. I wanted to see what I would qualify for in terms of accommodation for an upcoming exam. I just, wanted to see what was possible if I chose, for the first ever time, to request accommodation.
Because, you know, it’d been a lifetime of believing that accommodation = early defeat + inferiority.
Living in Colorado at the time, I inadvertently chose a functional medicine doctor [lucky] to assess me via telehealth [because I could pay out of pocket as I didn’t have, gasp, insurance]. I had to commit to 5 sessions that included a test, going to get a physical exam, discussions after each, and blood work.
TLDR: no one is surprised I scored off the charts 😅
I was officially diagnosed at 34 with ADHD, primarily hyperactive along with mild depression, general anxiety.
Oh yea, and PCOS and pre diabetes … [cue ADHD in women foreshadowing].
My internal world shifted monumentally, but in my usual Viki Caricature, externally, EVERYTHING WAS FINE HAHAHAHA!
After I declined trying medication, The Doc had suggested a particular blood panel to gauge where I may be deficient and where I might improve some areas with supplementation. [This is how we found out about the PCOS & PreD by the way]. I later found out that this singular step of blood work, is often what is skipped, missed or disregarded when partnering with any non functional medicine doctor. Hence, lucky.
Relief
The first visceral feeling when I got my official diagnosis, was deep, grounded relief.
Like I could finally, lay down and rest for a week [which would have been SHOCKING to consider previously]. As I wrote that, this sentence right now, I’ve started to cry.
There may be no greater gift than the feeling of validation.
As is natural for many, I took a few [months, let’s be honest] to remember all the ways and means that this aspect had shown up in me throughout my childhood. It had me bring forward some deeply seated limiting beliefs, stories and masks around my endless anxiety in striving for perfection, in feeling constantly inferior and behind, in believing I wasn’t actually smart and was simply fooling them all.
Bargaining
The diagnosis, honestly, gave me permission to put up a big ol mirror to how I view myself and rip it all down. Over time, I’ve been giving myself the permission and grace to rebuild, me.
Sadness & Acceptance
Following relief has been obsession. I found myself researching about, reading about, listening about anything I could get my hands on relating the connection of ADHD and co morbidities. Why did I just now find out about PCOS and PreD, when I’ve been going to the OBGYN since I was 15, receiving blood panels so many times??
The math wasn’t mathing. But [a superpower of mine] dots were slowly connecting.
It helped that over the preceding years, I’d received training in trauma sensitive holistic coaching, somatic energy alignment, and holotropic breathwork facilitation. So, as the Universe would have it, I was primed with a crucial foundation in body awareness.
ADHD in Women; What a Time to Be Alive
What clicked was when I started randomly sharing on social media and within my deep work community that I had this triple diagnosis; the responses flowed in.
Every woman I spoke to that had an ADHD diagnosis, also had some form of a disorder innervated by high cortisol. Meaning, chronic fight/flight/fawn responses in life had created a highly inflamed internal body that was releasing endless cortisol. If you want more on this, check this lil video out or pop into one of my upcoming masterclasses where I dip into this more.
Just in case it hasn’t been clear, I’m not medically trained LOL. Not a doctor, not a nurse, nada. But as my ADHD crew knows, where there’s interest, there’s BIG dopamine hits from the severely obsessive, hyperfocused, rabbit holes we tend to find ourselves in. I’ve been enveloped in this neurodivergence + high cortisol + dysregulation obsessive maze for months.
As I begin to decipher the connections between [especially] women with neurodivergence as well as their lesser-MSM-connected co morbidities like: infertility, osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis, insulin resistance; I am finding myself fulfilled and enlivened from the responses I’m receiving from women around me. As they widen their eyes in surprise and then, resonance. They are seen.
With information and data, new choices can be made. And where there is the brightening light of choice, there is freedom.
Freedom, I do believe, is really the summit that we can live on. Find rest and rejuvenation on. ADHD won’t go away, I live with it absolutely, yet the more I learn about its presentations, the more freeing each day becomes. This is what I know, those with neurodivergence want.
To feel unshackled and unlimited.
Mere belief in the possibility that how it is now, is not how it must always be, may be enough for this post 🙏
And this is why the Masterclass or the Mini Mind work so well, because we delve into more than the diagnosis and ToolsTipsNTricks to biohack out of feeling not normal. We lean in. If nothing else, community + resilience tools are strong ADHD foundations for your journey in partnering with your brain, maybe I’ll see ya there.
[Just in case!] I’m Viki; a lass of many facets. TLDR: I’m a resilience coach empowering neurodivergents from living in states of TENSION to living in a state of INTENTION. As a informed practitioner, I support people through coaching, somatic guidance and communal events.
I may receive a commission for links shared in a blog, podcast, or newsletter. You don’t have to use these links, yet I’d be grateful if you chose to! Thanks again for your support, I hope you find any aOc content supportive, insightful, and/or helpful!
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